This is the sweet little gal with her mommy Christina, and big brother Nic! Can't wait to see them again!
Wednesday, October 28
On October 27th.....
Trudy Grace was born. She is so adorable and we cannot wait to hold and cuddle her.
This is the sweet little gal with her mommy Christina, and big brother Nic! Can't wait to see them again!
This is the sweet little gal with her mommy Christina, and big brother Nic! Can't wait to see them again!
Sunday, October 25
October 23. 6 Years Ago.
6 Years ago on Friday I played in one of the most exciting soccer games of my life. My amazing team played so darn hard against South Fremont for the District Title and we WON! It was an incredible rush. So exciting in fact that we convinced our bus driver to take us to Rexburg for Pizza to celebrate! This is perhaps on of the luckies moments in my life. On the way to Rexburg I made several phone calls to share the news with my mom who was in Boise! I also made a phone call to my sister Heidi, who was attending BYU-I at the time, but played soccer with our team for two years. She was SO pumped about the event because it was a huge milestone for North Fremont! She insisted on meeting me at Pizza Hut to celebrate!
She came to the restraunt and together we decided to convince my dad to let me skip school to stay the night with her and hangout with her on Friday. It was also Heidi's 20th birthday that day. This decision was one I am sure my father has never regreted and I have forever appreciated.
That night I celebrated her birthday with her roommates and stayed up talking about life. I loved hanging out with her because I actually felt closer that night than ever before. I could tell my sister loved me and was proud of me.
6 years ago Saturday. The next morning I went with her to a couple of classes and again to work. We were both very tired from the night before. I took a quick nap while she worked and then had some of my teammates pick me up to continue celebrating. She had wanted me to stay and go home with her that afternoon, but she knew I wanted to celebrate with my friends. I left and she stayed at work.
After some lunch with my friends I met up with Curt for a date with some friends. While waiting I got a phone call from Nathan Dexter. He said he had just driven by an accident on the road near Chester. The car looked a lot like Heidi's and she wouldn't answer her phone. I immediately called my dad and he said he would drive out and check. I couldn't wait I called the local cop and family friend, Gregg Griffel. I had to call his house and get his cell. When I reached him he was at the accident. He was crying.
I knew then, and I started screaming NO! He told me he was sorry. He said, "I'm sorry Brity but it's Heidi and she is gone."
I had already headed home right after I talked to Nathan so I was in the car. We had to get gas, and I remember screaming and Curt was totally in shock. I felt like my world had fallen apart. I told my dad, but he had just heard. I called my mom again and again, but she was out of phone service and I couldn't reach her. I didn't understand why she wouldn't answer. Finally, I reached her and told her the news. She didn't believe me but I couldn't talk anymore.
That was the longest hour drive of my life. I remember driving past the scene and absolutely screaming. My sister was there. Her laundry was all over the road.
Why didn't I just go home with her?
That night there wasn't a time to sleep. There was a lot of crying. I was very angry. I didn't understand why we would need another challenge in our lives. Wasn't our parent's divorce enough! Why take my sister! Why take my rock, my inspiration,and my best friend! I was really angry. I was angry that people were saying it was her fault. I was angry that I couldn't fix it. I was angry that she would leave us alone, esspecially when she knew how hard it had been for us.
The funeral came. People were wonderful and sweet, and said all the right things. I didn't really care. I didn't want a new outfit to wear at the funeral. I wanted my sister, I wore her clothes to the funeral. I couldn't hardly look at her. I was angry that she was gone and I was sad that I wasn't with her. I didn't know how life worked without my sister.
The next week both AJ and I went to compete in football and soccer at state. Neither of us did very well, but the experiences helped us move past the funeral experiences. Heidi wasn't there to cheer us on and we all knew it. Slowly it started to sink in that she wouldn't be a part of events like that with us again. It was hard.
I was really able to move on about a year later when I was at school. I remember crying that night, missing her terribly. I went to sleep and dreamed of her. She was with a beautiful little blonde-haired girl helping this little girl. She looked at me and said she was needed somewhere else. I knew it was true. I knew that I was being selfish and that in time we would be together. It didn't take the pain away, but it gave me hope and encouragement.
I had many many hard times. I remember my Prom that year was really hard. I had a great date, but when it came time to getting ready I couldn't do it. Heidi had always helped me get ready. She was always there to tell me I looked good and made sure I did, but she wasn't there. I tried to do my hair, but it didn't look right. I cried a lot that night.
I remember crying when I got married because she wasn't there to help me. I asked her best friend, Des to help, but it was still really hard. I always thought she would be there.
I went through the temple for her 4 years ago and cried. I felt like I had been a disappointment to her because it had taken me so long. I know she was there and she was grateful for the opportunity. Things make sense in the temple. I am close to her there. I love that feeling of peace and warmth.
In the past 6 years I see Heidi a lot. I see her in my dreams sometimes she is proud of me and sometimes it is as if I can call her in the morning and tell her the latest things Hailee is doing. Sometimes I wake up and think maybe she isn't gone, and I should call her. It is weird feeling her here and yet she is not. I love when I dream of her because then she is still a part of me. I miss her more than anything and I cannot wait to see her again and share with her my love. I know she is a part of my life and that she does watch over us. It doesn't change the fact that I am jealous everytime I see a pair of sisters laughing, shopping, or hanging out with their kids. It does give me hope and motivation to live life the way our Heavenly Father wishes. It helps me be better ,even though I know I can never compare to Heidi I try to be the best daughter, friend, and sister. I used to think that it should've been me not her. I know that is not true now. She was ready, I am still far from it. I have much to learn about God and his plan for me. I have a different purpose than she did and I am grateful for that calling.
I know this is pretty sappy, but it is important. I needed to get it out this year and I am not quite sure why? Maybe it is because I feel like I have lost again, maybe it is because I am bored and lonely? It doesn't matter. It is ok to feel sad and lonely. It doesn't mean my testimony is weakened, but rather it is stronger. I know that I will be with Heidi again. I know that she is very much aware of us and of Hailee and of all the rest of the babies who will become apart of our lives. I know that there is much to do in this life to help those around me obtain that same testimony. I am grateful for the temple. I am grateful for Curt and his patience and understanding esspecially lately. I am grateful that he understands my pain and that together we can support each other. I am grateful for friends who give me encouragement. I am grateful for pictures so I can show Hailee her pretty Aunt and tell her all of her stories. I am grateful for a wonderful and patient Heavenly Father who has given me time to figure things out and loves me all the same!
She was always my best friend.
She is always my sister.
She came to the restraunt and together we decided to convince my dad to let me skip school to stay the night with her and hangout with her on Friday. It was also Heidi's 20th birthday that day. This decision was one I am sure my father has never regreted and I have forever appreciated.
That night I celebrated her birthday with her roommates and stayed up talking about life. I loved hanging out with her because I actually felt closer that night than ever before. I could tell my sister loved me and was proud of me.
6 years ago Saturday. The next morning I went with her to a couple of classes and again to work. We were both very tired from the night before. I took a quick nap while she worked and then had some of my teammates pick me up to continue celebrating. She had wanted me to stay and go home with her that afternoon, but she knew I wanted to celebrate with my friends. I left and she stayed at work.
After some lunch with my friends I met up with Curt for a date with some friends. While waiting I got a phone call from Nathan Dexter. He said he had just driven by an accident on the road near Chester. The car looked a lot like Heidi's and she wouldn't answer her phone. I immediately called my dad and he said he would drive out and check. I couldn't wait I called the local cop and family friend, Gregg Griffel. I had to call his house and get his cell. When I reached him he was at the accident. He was crying.
I knew then, and I started screaming NO! He told me he was sorry. He said, "I'm sorry Brity but it's Heidi and she is gone."
I had already headed home right after I talked to Nathan so I was in the car. We had to get gas, and I remember screaming and Curt was totally in shock. I felt like my world had fallen apart. I told my dad, but he had just heard. I called my mom again and again, but she was out of phone service and I couldn't reach her. I didn't understand why she wouldn't answer. Finally, I reached her and told her the news. She didn't believe me but I couldn't talk anymore.
That was the longest hour drive of my life. I remember driving past the scene and absolutely screaming. My sister was there. Her laundry was all over the road.
Why didn't I just go home with her?
That night there wasn't a time to sleep. There was a lot of crying. I was very angry. I didn't understand why we would need another challenge in our lives. Wasn't our parent's divorce enough! Why take my sister! Why take my rock, my inspiration,and my best friend! I was really angry. I was angry that people were saying it was her fault. I was angry that I couldn't fix it. I was angry that she would leave us alone, esspecially when she knew how hard it had been for us.
The funeral came. People were wonderful and sweet, and said all the right things. I didn't really care. I didn't want a new outfit to wear at the funeral. I wanted my sister, I wore her clothes to the funeral. I couldn't hardly look at her. I was angry that she was gone and I was sad that I wasn't with her. I didn't know how life worked without my sister.
The next week both AJ and I went to compete in football and soccer at state. Neither of us did very well, but the experiences helped us move past the funeral experiences. Heidi wasn't there to cheer us on and we all knew it. Slowly it started to sink in that she wouldn't be a part of events like that with us again. It was hard.
I was really able to move on about a year later when I was at school. I remember crying that night, missing her terribly. I went to sleep and dreamed of her. She was with a beautiful little blonde-haired girl helping this little girl. She looked at me and said she was needed somewhere else. I knew it was true. I knew that I was being selfish and that in time we would be together. It didn't take the pain away, but it gave me hope and encouragement.
I had many many hard times. I remember my Prom that year was really hard. I had a great date, but when it came time to getting ready I couldn't do it. Heidi had always helped me get ready. She was always there to tell me I looked good and made sure I did, but she wasn't there. I tried to do my hair, but it didn't look right. I cried a lot that night.
I remember crying when I got married because she wasn't there to help me. I asked her best friend, Des to help, but it was still really hard. I always thought she would be there.
I went through the temple for her 4 years ago and cried. I felt like I had been a disappointment to her because it had taken me so long. I know she was there and she was grateful for the opportunity. Things make sense in the temple. I am close to her there. I love that feeling of peace and warmth.
In the past 6 years I see Heidi a lot. I see her in my dreams sometimes she is proud of me and sometimes it is as if I can call her in the morning and tell her the latest things Hailee is doing. Sometimes I wake up and think maybe she isn't gone, and I should call her. It is weird feeling her here and yet she is not. I love when I dream of her because then she is still a part of me. I miss her more than anything and I cannot wait to see her again and share with her my love. I know she is a part of my life and that she does watch over us. It doesn't change the fact that I am jealous everytime I see a pair of sisters laughing, shopping, or hanging out with their kids. It does give me hope and motivation to live life the way our Heavenly Father wishes. It helps me be better ,even though I know I can never compare to Heidi I try to be the best daughter, friend, and sister. I used to think that it should've been me not her. I know that is not true now. She was ready, I am still far from it. I have much to learn about God and his plan for me. I have a different purpose than she did and I am grateful for that calling.
I know this is pretty sappy, but it is important. I needed to get it out this year and I am not quite sure why? Maybe it is because I feel like I have lost again, maybe it is because I am bored and lonely? It doesn't matter. It is ok to feel sad and lonely. It doesn't mean my testimony is weakened, but rather it is stronger. I know that I will be with Heidi again. I know that she is very much aware of us and of Hailee and of all the rest of the babies who will become apart of our lives. I know that there is much to do in this life to help those around me obtain that same testimony. I am grateful for the temple. I am grateful for Curt and his patience and understanding esspecially lately. I am grateful that he understands my pain and that together we can support each other. I am grateful for friends who give me encouragement. I am grateful for pictures so I can show Hailee her pretty Aunt and tell her all of her stories. I am grateful for a wonderful and patient Heavenly Father who has given me time to figure things out and loves me all the same!
She was always my best friend.
She is always my sister.
Monday, October 19
Have you ever thought....why me?
Lately I have been home alone alot just thinking about things, planning things, and trying to stay busy with Hailee. I do these things to keep my sanity.
In highschool, I played basketball, soccer, golf, and cheerleaded. I was completely active. I also joined in on show choir, the school musicals, FFA, and every other thing North Fremont could throw at me. I loved being busy, and my poor father didn't always appreciate it so much.
Now I am a mother and a teacher, a busy enough job, but seriously lacking in the social arena! So to compensate I plan. I plan parties, I talk to friends, I try to be as social as my semi-single mother status will allow. I have to admit that more often than not I am regreting my planning and parties.
What is wrong? Well it seems like I am the only one with this cursed need of socialness.
Is it normal? I love people, I love making people happy. It is what makes me tick, I am a people pleaser. However, this people pleaser often gets worn down on the invitations. I wouldn't be so worn down if I didn't get the feeling that people really could careless about my efforts and our relationship at all. Why do I do the inviting? Why can't I wait? Why do I spend countless amounts of time, energy, and love into those around me, when little or nothing is given in return?
Because I love you. The point is that you are important in my life and in my family's life. Your happiness is important. Your children are important. I know one day Hailee will be going to school with your children and they can and should be friends. Why not? Why wait for you to invite me, when it is much easier for me to invite you? Thank you for being my friends and for coming to my parties, however caotic and bizare they might seem. Thank you for saying hi when you see me at the store rather than pretending you don't notice me. Thank you for calling just to tell me hi. Thank you for appreciating me no matter what I look like because I really can tell when you are disappointed in my appearance. For so many of you I have found ways to connect with you so satisfy my own needs. My own needs of sisterhood and friendship. I need that in my life because just like the complex weave of social interaction I also had a very sweet sister only a few years ago. I miss her, I look for her in each of you. I may not be perfect. I may not be the most interesting or creative or popular friend you might now, but right now I am certain I am the most appreciative. I appreciate you willingness to look past all of my flaws and still be my friend.
Thank you.
In highschool, I played basketball, soccer, golf, and cheerleaded. I was completely active. I also joined in on show choir, the school musicals, FFA, and every other thing North Fremont could throw at me. I loved being busy, and my poor father didn't always appreciate it so much.
Now I am a mother and a teacher, a busy enough job, but seriously lacking in the social arena! So to compensate I plan. I plan parties, I talk to friends, I try to be as social as my semi-single mother status will allow. I have to admit that more often than not I am regreting my planning and parties.
What is wrong? Well it seems like I am the only one with this cursed need of socialness.
Is it normal? I love people, I love making people happy. It is what makes me tick, I am a people pleaser. However, this people pleaser often gets worn down on the invitations. I wouldn't be so worn down if I didn't get the feeling that people really could careless about my efforts and our relationship at all. Why do I do the inviting? Why can't I wait? Why do I spend countless amounts of time, energy, and love into those around me, when little or nothing is given in return?
Because I love you. The point is that you are important in my life and in my family's life. Your happiness is important. Your children are important. I know one day Hailee will be going to school with your children and they can and should be friends. Why not? Why wait for you to invite me, when it is much easier for me to invite you? Thank you for being my friends and for coming to my parties, however caotic and bizare they might seem. Thank you for saying hi when you see me at the store rather than pretending you don't notice me. Thank you for calling just to tell me hi. Thank you for appreciating me no matter what I look like because I really can tell when you are disappointed in my appearance. For so many of you I have found ways to connect with you so satisfy my own needs. My own needs of sisterhood and friendship. I need that in my life because just like the complex weave of social interaction I also had a very sweet sister only a few years ago. I miss her, I look for her in each of you. I may not be perfect. I may not be the most interesting or creative or popular friend you might now, but right now I am certain I am the most appreciative. I appreciate you willingness to look past all of my flaws and still be my friend.
Thank you.
Saturday, October 17
I want to...
Make some of these things one night next week at my house!
Is there anyone who would like to make some with me???? I could use the company!!! Please?
Is there anyone who would like to make some with me???? I could use the company!!! Please?
Saturday, October 10
Wednesday, October 7
Is he coming or not???
We spent the whole day before picking AJ up at the airport just hanging out as a family. We had originally thought he would be there at 2, but that changed to 8 , and then again to 3:15! Crazy!!! So we took up our time:
1. Hanging out at a bank>this is all the information I am allowed to give over the internet due to Curt's requests!
2. Eating at Fongs! Yummy!
3. Cleaning our car. This included a carwash, which Hailee loved! She was even happier when the wax apparantly ran out and we had to go through again!!!
I threw in this picture to show you how talented my little girl's tongue is! She must have gotten that ability from me because she is always twisting it around !!!
1. Hanging out at a bank>this is all the information I am allowed to give over the internet due to Curt's requests!
2. Eating at Fongs! Yummy!
3. Cleaning our car. This included a carwash, which Hailee loved! She was even happier when the wax apparantly ran out and we had to go through again!!!
I threw in this picture to show you how talented my little girl's tongue is! She must have gotten that ability from me because she is always twisting it around !!!Did I forget to mention....
Oh yeah, AJ is home from a very awesome mission to Urugauy!
He was a great missionary. He truly went just to serve the Lord and help the people in Urugauy. He never mentions all of his callings, or the number of baptisms, or anything but how wonderful the people were there.
This shocking reaction lasted only the weekend. After that they both got used to eachother!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)